Kids' Night In: A Midnight Feast

Markus Zusak

Teeyah the Terror goes on Who wants to be a millionaire?

Teeyah the Terror was not your standard, assembly-line dog.

On the night she was born, a violent storm roughed up the sky and she was struck by lightening not once, but three times. The daggers of light surrounded the newborn Rottweiler for many minutes, and it was obvious that something was strange.

She grew faster then her brothers and sisters; and more worryingly she was able, as she grew bigger, to imitate the speech patterns of humans. The dog could talk.

After a few years she moved into a neighbourhood where many such animals existed. Her best friends were Ugly the cat, struck four times by lightning in the face, Quicksilver the goldfish, struck twice in the gills, and Cedric the bulldog, struck a thousand times by the embarrassment at having such a fancy name in the midst of being a bulldog.

One of Teeyah's favourite television shows was Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? After doing a great deal of reading, Teeyah was the greatest player among her friends. In fact, she never got a single answer wrong.

What happened next was unexpected – Cedric the bulldog decided to ring up and officially enter her into the television show.

After many months of trying, she was allowed on to the show, and although she was nervous, she was hopeful that she might be the first ever to go all the way to the top – ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

She was up against several humans in the 'Fastest Finger' section of the show. Eddie McGuire, the host, asked the question:

'Which two people here have been Prime Minister of Australia:

A. Steven Waugh?
B. John Howard?
C. Nicole Kidman?
D. Paul Keating?'

All of the contestants tried their hardest, but it was Teeyah the Terror who was fastest. She picked 'B' and 'D' and was correct. She was invited by Eddie McGuire into THE HOT SEAT.

'Well, how about that, folks?' beamed Eddie, with his usual toothy grin. 'Our first canine competitor! How about a huge round of applause for Teeyah the Terror.'

The crowd shouted and cheered, and Teeyah, though sitting to attention in the hot seat, gave a quick bow. Her black-and-gold fur stood on end, and the golden rings of her eyes pulsed with excitement.

'Ready for your first question?' asked Eddie.

'Of course,' Teeyah grinned. 'Anything for you, Ed.'

'Okay. For a hundred dollars, what is the capital of Australia? Is it:

A. Sydney?
B. Dogswamp?
C. Melbourne?
D. Canberra?'

At home for the special live show, Ugly the cat, Cedric the bulldog and Quicksilver the goldfish all cheered when Teeyah answered correctly.

'She'll be the first to win the million for sure,' said Ugly.

'Question Two,' said Eddie. 'What is the tallest mountain in the world?'

Teeyah brushed the question aside, choosing 'A' as the correct answer. 'Mount Everest,' she said, and she was right.

From there, she answered question after question correctly, until, finally, she was up to five hundred thousand dollars.

'Here comes the question, Teeyah!' shouted Eddie. He was having trouble containing himself.

'How many wheels are there on a normal semi-trailer truck? Is it:

A. three?
B. twenty-four?
C. forty-two?
D. thirty-four?'

Teeyah was truly stumped. For the first time, her dribbling got the better of her. Her fur ruffled back and forth in confusion.

'Oh boy, Eddie, that's a tough one all right. I might use a lifeline. I'll go fifty-fifty.'

After taking two of the answers away, Teeyah was left with 'B' and 'C', and, after asking the audience, half of the thousand-strong crowd locked in 'B' and the other half 'C'. It was up to Teeyah.

After a long time of thinking, Teeyah closed her eyes and locked in 'C – forty-two'.

Eddie looked at her.

Teeyah panted.

At home, Ugly, Quicksilver and Cedric held their breath, and...

'CORRECT!' screamed Eddie, and the crowd went berserk.

Now it came down to one final question.

One correct answer for one million dollars.

Could a dog show up the entire human race? Teeyah the Terror was about to find out. The crowd murmured, then there was silence.

Eddie pulled out the question card. He swallowed.

'Okay, Teeyah. For ONE... MILLION... DOLLARS, who won the 1500 metres swimming gold medal at the 2000 Sydney Olympics? Was it:

A. Kieren Perkins?
B. Grant Hackett?
C. Ian Thorpe?
D. Cathy Freeman?

'Gosh, Eddie,' Teeyah sighed. She was starting to dribble again, even though she had a good hunch for the answer. 'How about,' she suggested, 'I phone a friend?'

'Good idea,' Eddie replied. 'Who do you have in mind?'

'Well, I have three genius friends, Eddie, but I think I'll talk to Quicksilver the goldfish. He's usually pretty good with water sports.'

'I should hope so,' said Eddie, and the phone call was made.

 

The phone rang at Cedric' place, but it was the cat who answered.

'Hello, Ugly here.'

'Ugly?' Eddie couldn't help but grin. 'It's Eddie McGuire speaking...'

After some small talk, the question was asked and Quicksilver held his head above the water. 'The answer is...' he gulped. 'The answer is "Hackett".'

 

'Okay,' said Eddie, rubbing his hands together. 'Here we go. Let's see if a Rottweiler with a lightning-inspired IQ can sweep the pool and win this thing. Are you going with Quicksilver's answer, Teeyah?'

Teeyah almost laughed. 'Sure am, Ed. Let's lock in "B – Grant Hackett".'

Again, the noise of the crowd was silenced.

Eddie looked up, then down.

Teeyah crossed her paws.

'CORRECT!!!!!!!' cried Eddie, almost in pain.

'TEEYAH THE TERROR HAS DONE IT!!!!!!!'

The audience must have carried on for ten minutes, and a huge pile of balloons and streamers was dumped on Teeyah and Eddie.

Finally, when everything settled down, Eddie asked Teeyah a final question. He said, 'So tell me, Teeyah – how will you spend the big million?'

Teeyah only chuckled a while. Then she said, 'You know, Eddie. You're probably expecting me to say lifetime's supply of PAL or something like that, but I really think it's you humans who need a hand.' She continued, gently barking the words into the camera. 'I'm donating all but a tiny bit of this money to the War Child Charity – to the Kid's Night In book that's being made.'

'And that tiny bit of money you're keeping?' Eddie asked.

'Well...' Teeyah couldn't resist giving him a cheeky smile. 'I'm taking my friends, Cedric, Ugly and Quicksilver skydiving.'

The crowd laughed.

At home, her friends barked, meowed and gurgled their approval.

And all Eddie could say was, 'There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. What a dog.'

Teeyah winked at the camera and howled.